Gaslighting – Hate to admit ones defeat

Gaslighting Definition, Techniques and Being Gaslighted

Gaslighting, yeah such an odd term, read the article it covers some of that.

I know I am smart, people tell me that all the time.  I seem to be likable too.  But for an odd reason all I can conclude is that they want something, I must be on my guard to not just be taken advantage of.

Always been on my guard with myself because people always used my weirdness to have reason to beat me up, or some other abuse.  For longest time hung out with the stoners, because they were the most open and receptive.  And they would offer drugs, as a courtesy, but if you said no, they didn’t bother offering again.   Now the jocks, you HAD to do the drugs or they would not be kind with you.  huh, so much different from the propaganda.

I discovered this term “Gaslighting” recently, and it hurts and really opens my eyes to what was going on and why I still react to things the way I do.

Deep down I KNOW why I react, and hate it, I hate my self, and I feel weak I could not combat this and get through it.  Part of that may stem from growing up with alcoholics, they were not abusive, but I could change my tune to fit the dance as it were to keep a low profile.  Maybe there was reason to be aware of some inherent danger so I kept my head low and kept moving.

Did that lead to me being easier to Gaslight?  I don’t know, but maybe because I wanted to maintain status-quot.  What ever, here is an excerpt from the article linked at the top:

“Withholding” is one gaslighting technique where the abuser feigns a lack of understanding, refuses to listen and declines sharing his emotions. Gaslighting examples of this would be:1

  • “I’m not listening to that crap again tonight.”
  • “You’re just trying to confuse me.”

Another gaslighting technique is “countering,” where an abuser will vehemently call into question a victim’s memory in spite of the victim having remembered things correctly.

  • “Think about when you didn’t remember things correctly last time.”
  • “You thought that last time and you were wrong.”

These techniques throw the victim off the intended subject matter and make them question their own motivations and perceptions rather than the issue at hand.

It is then that the abuser will start to question the experiences, thoughts and opinions more globally through statements said in anger like:

  • “You see everything in the most negative way.”
  • “Well you obviously never believed in me then.”
  • “You have an overactive imagination.”

“Blocking” and “diverting” are gaslighting techniques whereby the abuser again changes the conversation from the subject matter to questioning the victim’s thoughts and controlling the conversation. Gaslighting examples of this include:

  • “I’m not going through that again.”
  • “Where did you get a crazy idea like that?”
  • “Quit bitching.”
  • “You’re hurting me on purpose.”

“Trivializing” is another way of gaslighting. It involves making the victim believe his or her thoughts or needs aren’t important, such as:

  • “You’re going to let something like that come between us?”

Abusive “forgetting” and “denial” can also be forms of gaslighting. In this technique, the abuser pretends to forget things that have really occurred; the abuser may also deny things like promises that have been made that are important to the victim. An abuser might say:

  • “What are you talking about?”
  • “I don’t have to take this.”
  • “You’re making that up.”

Some gaslighters will then mock the victim for their “wrongdoings” and “misperceptions”.

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